I painted the bathroom walls opal yellow

20220105_232731

I redecorated this week.
Started with the bathroom. Seemed the easiest.
Went out and bought myself opal yellow paint for the walls.
Bright colour to cheer me up when I’m at my lowest
and can barely gather myself to take a shower.

But I didn’t consider I wouldn’t even reach the bathroom,
so the bright, calming yellow won’t fill my eyes
when I’m thinly spread far away in my tear-stained beige sheets.

I painted the bathroom walls opal yellow,
hoping for a few more sunshine-filled moments of respite,
now that I’m doing better.
Held the promising paint can in my left hand
and the auspicious paintbrush in my right hand.
Right then, let’s get to work!
and first began covering the empty spaces and the mould
between the white bathroom tiles.

I should’ve finished what I’d started
and not stopped.

I went to have lunch and, lost in my train of thought,
got hit by a paralysing wave of anxiety about my future.
Warm potato and carrot soup in my mouth, forgetting to swallow,
staring blankly at the tattered tablecloth.
“Go back, go back!”

Went back to painting,
but nothing was the same—
gone in a split second of mindlessly letting the impromptu raft keeping me from drowning
drift away in the sea of
what now’s,
what if’s,
and how’s.

I should’ve bought more paint.

I painted the bathroom walls opal yellow,
but the disillusioned, salty tears dripping into the paint can
diluted the paint.
The tiles still have blinding white streaks
here
and

there.

I thought it couldn’t get any worse.
Turns out, all I’ll be thinking of
are my tears spread on the walls
and sinking into the empty spaces between the tiles,
deeper and deeper,
reaching the frame of the house.
Iamonewiththishouse.

,
,
,

Now I see why people choose to move house
instead of just redecorate.

– Patricia

Author: dacapoalpoetry

My journey to finding myself began with music, continued with poetry and keeps going with these two blending harmoniously.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: